One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
