Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
