im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
