i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
