Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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