I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
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