Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
