...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
