Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
