Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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