so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
