A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
That's intense
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
