Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
