So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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