Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
