I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Damn victory sex feels great
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
