I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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