My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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