the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
