Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize