I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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