he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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