She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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