I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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