Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You are a genius and a whore.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
