Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
