he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
