he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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