I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
