he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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