nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
