He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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