I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
