I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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