is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This is my gift to your gina
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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