Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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