I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
