Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
