My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
