quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
