Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
