And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Houston, we have a squirter
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
