i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
