she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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