Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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