this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
