Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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