I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
