thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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