sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
