and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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