i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wish you could order shots online.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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