I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
